


Because I'm drowning and I'm dragging you with me

by booksandanime



Series: Are you prepared to stick by me? [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, I'm so sorry, M/M, Requited Love, haha - Freeform, inner thoughts, tHIS IS SO SHORT, unrequited love at first
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 20:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4405721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksandanime/pseuds/booksandanime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loving Oikawa was like drowning. It was suffocating, and it was all around you at the same time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because I'm drowning and I'm dragging you with me

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know.  
> Exams are tomorrow, and since I've been pretty much studying and panicking the whole day, I decided to write this.  
> My mind works in strange ways.  
> I apologize in advance. '= =
> 
> (I also wrote this in 30 minutes or something, so yeah. I'm sorry.)

If you had asked Iwaizumi Hajime what he considered to be the hardest thing in the world, he would shrug and say nothing.  
(That's not completely the truth, though.)  
But he wouldn't tell you that.  
Because, how could he even begin to explain loving Oikawa Tooru? 

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~

Oikawa's tears are dampening the fabric of his shirt, but Iwaizumi doesn't say anything.  
His hands are gripping the back of his shirt, tight too tight, and he briefly wonders if he's hurting Oikawa.  
But Oikawa's hands are squeezing him just as tight, and just as desperately.  
And Iwaizumi's afraid.  
It's the first time he starts to feel like he's drowning in all the things he can't say, all the things he hasn't allowed himself to feel.  
And he wonders if he'll ever be able to learn how to breathe again.

~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~

Knowing Oikawa has been easy.  
It was the typical childhood story.  
They were neighbors, they played together as children, and they became friends. They got hooked on volleyball, and they went on to play in championships, in tournaments, in competitions.  
And their bond only strengthened over time. How could it not?  
They know each other even more than they know themselves.  
They know each other's deepest secrets, their fears, their anxieties. They know how to fight without crossing the border, to push without falling, to bend without breaking.  
They know the easiest ways to deal with each other's haggard breaths, know the hardest way to deal with each other's craziness. Know when to punch, and when to stand aside.  
All of these things, in Iwaizumi's opinion, was easy.  
What was the hardest thing about it, you ask?  
Why, knowing how to stop loving each other.

~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

Iwaizumi's scared.  
He's always been scared.  
He's scared of his feelings, scared of what they might mean, and scared of the knowledge that he would do anything for Oikawa not to hate him.  
But all of those pale to the idea of Oikawa learning about it.  
How he would react if he knew.  
Knew that the touches Oikawa casually gave, a slinged arm around his shoulders, a poke in the ribs, made his mouth go dry, and his breath to vanish. How Oikawa's gazes, reflecting concern, happiness, worry, and anxiety, made him feel like he was dying over and over again.  
And what made it the most unbearable was their closeness.  
They were friends. Which meant that they were entitled to some space, right?  
But Oikawa has never learned the meaning of personal space, and Iwaizumi hopes he never does.

~~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~~  
Iwaizumi's roaming the halls aimlessly.  
Volleyball practice has been canceled that day, to give them time for exams, but Iwaizumi has memorized all his notes and Oikawa's and can't seem to stop his feet from moving in the direction of the gym.  
He sits down on the steps in front of the door and thinks.  
About Oikawa, of course.  
About his whiny, high-pitched voice, his constant pleas for a break from studying, his pout, and his grin when Iwaizumi caves in.  
He always caves in, but what can he do about it?  
He's long since given up the idea of fighting against his feelings, and just lets it come naturally now.  
He can't pretend that being around Oikawa ever gets easier, though.  
Because that would be a lie.

But he's learned how to keep it in.  
The jumps at Oikawa's voice, the struggle against letting Oikawa have whatever he wants, the little tingles of electricity that course through his skin whenever he comes in contact with Oikawa.  
He's quite proud, really.  
Then, Oikawa comes and sits down next to him, and it's all he can do not to touch him.  
"Hey. You ended up here too, huh?" Oikawa says, grinning.  
Iwaizumi snorts. "Where else would I be? In the library, like you should? I told you I'd be back, didn't I?"  
Oikawa has the grace to look sheepish. (Though Iwaizumi suspects that it's fake.) "You took so long. I was getting lonely."  
Iwaizumi's heart jumps, and he tells it sternly not to. Oikawa misses everyone.  
"You could have asked Hanamaki to study with you, you know." Iwaizumi said.  
Oikawa pulls a face. "He's making out with Matsu."  
"In the library?" Iwaizumi asked, slightly incredulous, and slightly amused.  
"Where else?" Oikawa asks. "Of course they need the most public places to make out in."  
And he rests his head on Iwaizumi's shoulder.  
Iwaizumi tenses up, hoping that Oikawa moves his head.  
And at the same time, hoping that they can stay like that forever.

~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~

Oikawa's staring at him again.  
And Iwaizumi knows he's done something wrong.  
He's slipped. Oikawa knows now. And he's gonna hate him for it.  
Frantically, Iwaizumi tries to reflect on what he's done for the past few days.  
There was nothing out of the ordinary. He just did the same as usual.  
But, did he? Maybe his gaze lingered too long, or maybe letting Oikawa get away with actually reviewing for only 15 minutes was a give away?  
He's scared again.  
He starts to feel like he can't breathe.  
And he asks to be excused.

He's walking fast, and walking without knowing where to go.  
The clinic's too far, the bathroom's too near.  
He ends up pacing the entire hallways 5 times before finally going to the bathroom.  
He grips the edge of the sink, and starts splashing water on his face.  
He dries it on his shirt, and leans his head against the wall, eyes closed.

"What are you doing here?"  
Iwaizumi's up faster than anyone could blink, and tries to make it out the door.  
No such luck. Oikawa's casually leaning against it, but his body is too tense, too stiff, not like Oikawa's usual relaxed form.  
"Nothing. Just needed to think." Iwaizumi says, which is true anyway.  
"About?" Oikawa asks, and Iwaizumi knows he's not going to move..  
So he decides to be honest.  
"You." He says, before he can change his mind, before his heart screams that he's crazy, before he starts to suffocate in all this longing, this panic, this love for the person standing in front of him.  
Oikawa startles. His hands start to shake.  
And Iwaizumi knows what to do.  
He crosses the few feet between them, and grabs both of his hands.  
"This is your last chance to back out." He says. Whether to Oikawa or to himself, he doesn't really know.  
This close, he can see every detail on Oikawa's face.  
The freckles he spends every spare time counting, the flecks of fold between his chocolate eyes, his rich, light hair that Iwaizumi knows is natural, and can never be replicated by a million combs, or hair products.  
His mouth, which at this moment is hanging open.  
Iwaizumi's own hands are shaking, but he's determined to stand for as long as it takes for Oikawa to respond.  
Which, as it turns out, isn't that long after all.  
"I don't want to." Oikawa says, and Iwaizumi's heart sinks.  
"Back out, that is." He adds, and Iwaizumi's heart soars.  
Before he can change his mind, he adds breathily, "Me too," and closes the distance between them.  
And finally, all the emotions come to a stop in his head, and he kisses Oikawa like he's the only thing keeping him breathing, which is ironic, considering the amount of air it takes to kiss a person.  
But Iwaizumi doesn't care, because at this moment, he's stopped drowning, and he's finally learned how to keep breathing.

Maybe drowning isn't so bad after all, once you know the trick of breathing.  
But, Iwaizumi thinks happily, I wouldn't mind drowning if I know you're there to help me remember how to breathe.

**Author's Note:**

> Agh, I know. It's kind of short, but I'm trying to be responsible, and limit my work to this, just so that I can go and panic again.  
> I'm still sorry?
> 
> This was originally going to be a deathfic, but I'm too nervous for tomorrow to actually write good death scenes, so I'm so so sorry!! I'll make someone die soon! And I'm so sorry for saying that! (I'm messed up, I know. I blame it on exams. =/ )


End file.
